Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Exploring What Makes One Interracially Motivated


Picture from Melting Pot Gifts

In the process of moving, you inevitably end up taking a trip down memory lane. It either happens while you're boxing stuff up or when you're unboxing things at your new place.

It happened to me yesterday. At first, it was kind of tough because I found the newspaper clipping of my dad's obituary from May 1997. That was rougher than I expected it to be. But as I began transferring papers from a nearly unuseable box into a new box, I ran across old letters I sent Angel when she was in college and in the Army. And while I will not disclose any of the contents of those most personal letters, I will say that it taught me some things about our relationship and about myself.

I sometimes wonder why my first love happened to be a black woman. Why did things just click so perfectly (at first, at least)? And did this affect me in other dating choices at that time? In retrospect, I believe that it did, but that did not keep me from dating women of many races, including asian, hispanic, black and white.

But one thing was certain: I treated every woman the same, regardless of race. I was looking for Ms. Right. I wanted someone to love who would also love me. My heart's desire always was to get married and have children, so I wanted someone who shared those goals. I went through some odd and painful experiences looking for her. My first love did not want marriage or kids (and sadly, that was just the beginning of the problems with that relationship). Several women didn't seem to know what they wanted (I guess that's pretty normal). Others knew what they wanted and didn't choose to clue me in. Such is the nature of dating...

Then I met Angel. We were friends before we started dating. But before we could start dating, I had to realize that I loved her. And I did (and do) love her. I knew she was beautiful the first time I met her but I fell in love with her for her personality, intelligence, sensitivity and boldness. We also had a great deal of fun together!

For example, early in our relationship, she planned to surprise me by borrowing a camcorder and taping our whole Saturday together. I had already planned to take us to the Bastrop State Park and some other places. We ended up watching the sunset on Mount Bonnell, one of Austin's great romantic nature spots (we also stopped at many places before then, too). We could be spontaneous like that and we both enjoyed it.

So, being very upfront, my attraction to black women was a factor in why Angel and I had some of our initial chemistry and why I find her physically attractive. But what's kept us together is a combination of that chemistry along with our personalities, our striving to make it as a couple and the desire for our relationship to grow and mature...and it has! Race had nothing to do with the latter factors.

I'm incredibly proud of our biracial children. They are everything I ever wanted and so much more. Sure, they will try to get away with some things and have a little attitude sometimes, but that's just part of growing up. We're firm with them but we always try to show them that we love them...and they always show us that they love us, too.

I look at them and I see the perfect blending of the black and white "races" and from that, I see that race is literally what you make it. I also see that the combination makes them genetically and culturally stronger than each race by itself. It gives them more options and more of a future.

I've been with this woman for 14 years, married for 11 of them. I will always be learning what it means to love her and I hope to continue to learn her, understand her and find new ways to be there for her. That's what she's done for me. Her race does not determine whether I love her or not. It's part of who she is and I love all of who she is. But human beings are more than their race.

I wish some people could learn that.

Best Wishes,
Allen

3 comments:

Zen said...

Nice post well said!

Leon said...

Nice post. Love truly is blind. my first crush was an Indian girl. io

Dana said...

Very well said. I agree and I wish more people could think like that. We are all human beings.