New Year, New Design and Other Changes
Have I not posted in two years?? I feel bad. Obviously, a lot happens in that amount of time.
Last year in early May, my wife and I had a daughter, whom we named Jeyli Ayane ("jay-lee eye-ah-nay") Steadham. Jeyli has Latin origins and Ayane is Japanese for "colorful sound." She's been a wonderful addition to our family, and I can't tell you how happy I am to have a daughter! Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely proud of my two sons (now 16 and 13 years old) but starting over with a baby, and a daughter -- it's really been a positive and amazing experience. The boys love their sister and we've been adjusting to our new dynamics pretty smoothly, all things considered.
Speaking of new dynamics, I figured it was about time for a change to the look for IR Haven. Maybe I'll change it again, but I'd like to explore this new look for a bit.
I've changed jobs since 2009 but I'm still doing tech geek work.
I've had numerous health issues and spent three visits in the hospital between October and December of 2011. I'm doing better now, though.
I'm going to keep this post brief and I hope there's still some IR Haven readers out there... :)
- Allen
Showing posts with label interracial. Show all posts
Showing posts with label interracial. Show all posts
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Not In The News Friday (NITNF)
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, first of all, is a little late, but also it's about the story that wasn't. Let me explain. I was seriously considering putting a YouTube video of a sneak peak at an upcoming independent film about a Blasian (Black and Asian) couple and what they go through to have a relationship...but I thought better of it because (A) it was a little too er, steamy in one scene and (B) something just didn't feel right. So, when I discussed it with my wife, she had an insight that I hadn't considered, which is what I want to write about this week.
There have been, for better or worse, a string of IR-themed movies and shows over the last 20 years or so: Jungle Fever, Mississipi Masala, Guess Who (the mediocre remake of the 1962 classic "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner"), Monster's Ball, Hitch and several others I'm sure I'm not remembering at the moment. Each has covered different aspects of interracial relationships. Some have been biased (Jungle Fever, anyone?), many have been what I'll call defeatist -- the writers clearly want interracial relationships to work but they ultimately don't think they will (Mississippi Masala), and it's reflected in their story, and some have been pretty positive (Hitch).
Ultimately, though, it's 2007 now. Haven't we moved beyond the viewing interracial relationships under a microscope, like they're such an anomaly that we can't possibly understand? Fortunately, I think some moviemakers "get it" and we've had a lot of interracial relationships as part of recent movies that don't make any mention of race and there's no tension/struggle caused because of it ("Hitch" was that way). I think that's truly the way to go, because that's the way it's becoming in reality.
I mentioned to my wife that the movie I was going to use the clip from had some stereotypical bigots and she reminded me, there really are people who still feel that way and act that way...so it's not that far a stretch to see it in a film. But we (the viewing public) don't need our hands held and to be told how interracial relationships are good and racism is bad. We know these things and have our own opinions, whether we agree or disagree. It's time to just move on and have interracial relationships be shown relative to our (growing) number in the population (currently somewhere between 5% and 15% in the U.S., I believe, depending on what source you use -- it may be more, I don't know).
I wish I could say we've moved beyond that in terms of race representations in movies but Hollywood is still a bit mired in the quota system. Even so, at least actors don't really have to act stereotypical just to make it into a film like they did in the 1960s through the 1980s. For example, I loved "Sixteen Candles" (1984) but Gedde Watanabe was the epitome of the Asian stereotype -- an to make it worse, he was in an interracial romance with the "awkward tall, buxom white chick". And there was the whole "blaxploitation" era of the 1970s, etc.
There's obviously room for progress in film concerning interracial relationships but at least it's no longer being treated as a taboo like it once was. Little by little, things are improving and IRs are becoming more mainstream. It's very welcome and long overdue.
Best Wishes,
Allen
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, first of all, is a little late, but also it's about the story that wasn't. Let me explain. I was seriously considering putting a YouTube video of a sneak peak at an upcoming independent film about a Blasian (Black and Asian) couple and what they go through to have a relationship...but I thought better of it because (A) it was a little too er, steamy in one scene and (B) something just didn't feel right. So, when I discussed it with my wife, she had an insight that I hadn't considered, which is what I want to write about this week.
There have been, for better or worse, a string of IR-themed movies and shows over the last 20 years or so: Jungle Fever, Mississipi Masala, Guess Who (the mediocre remake of the 1962 classic "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner"), Monster's Ball, Hitch and several others I'm sure I'm not remembering at the moment. Each has covered different aspects of interracial relationships. Some have been biased (Jungle Fever, anyone?), many have been what I'll call defeatist -- the writers clearly want interracial relationships to work but they ultimately don't think they will (Mississippi Masala), and it's reflected in their story, and some have been pretty positive (Hitch).
Ultimately, though, it's 2007 now. Haven't we moved beyond the viewing interracial relationships under a microscope, like they're such an anomaly that we can't possibly understand? Fortunately, I think some moviemakers "get it" and we've had a lot of interracial relationships as part of recent movies that don't make any mention of race and there's no tension/struggle caused because of it ("Hitch" was that way). I think that's truly the way to go, because that's the way it's becoming in reality.
I mentioned to my wife that the movie I was going to use the clip from had some stereotypical bigots and she reminded me, there really are people who still feel that way and act that way...so it's not that far a stretch to see it in a film. But we (the viewing public) don't need our hands held and to be told how interracial relationships are good and racism is bad. We know these things and have our own opinions, whether we agree or disagree. It's time to just move on and have interracial relationships be shown relative to our (growing) number in the population (currently somewhere between 5% and 15% in the U.S., I believe, depending on what source you use -- it may be more, I don't know).
I wish I could say we've moved beyond that in terms of race representations in movies but Hollywood is still a bit mired in the quota system. Even so, at least actors don't really have to act stereotypical just to make it into a film like they did in the 1960s through the 1980s. For example, I loved "Sixteen Candles" (1984) but Gedde Watanabe was the epitome of the Asian stereotype -- an to make it worse, he was in an interracial romance with the "awkward tall, buxom white chick". And there was the whole "blaxploitation" era of the 1970s, etc.
There's obviously room for progress in film concerning interracial relationships but at least it's no longer being treated as a taboo like it once was. Little by little, things are improving and IRs are becoming more mainstream. It's very welcome and long overdue.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Friday, March 16, 2007
Not In The News Friday (NITNF)
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, I'm going to tell you another story. You see, this weekend is Angel's and my 12th wedding anniversary. I've been in charge of planning things this year. Angel is the master planner of the last 2 or 3 years. She's done an excellent job but it was time for me to take a shot at it. So, budgeting with what we have, I decided on doing something more local this year but still fun.
I made plans for the kids to stay with relatives and for me and Angel to have a nice hotel somewhere near or around town. I went online looking for deals this week and I was actually disappointed with a couple of online services I'd used before but lo and behold, William Shatner did NOT disappoint!
I found Priceline.com had the best selection and deals for the price -- and that was even without using their "Name Your Own Price" roulette wheel! It took a little while but I found something perfectly appropriate in a nice area just north of Austin and within our budget. I secured the deal online and printed out the itinerary.
I work a half-day tomorrow and then we take the kids to the relatives, check into our hotel and have a nice dinner and relaxing evening. Sunday (March 18th) will actually be our wedding anniversary and we will pick up the kids in the evening.
I keep hearing more and more how staying married for 12 years is considered an unbelievable accomplishment in and of itself, nevermind being an interracial marriage, too! We've been through a lot over these years but we're still each other's best friend. We've learned to lean and depend on one another and we deeply, deeply love and respect one another. Although we don't know what tomorrow might bring, we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other, growing old together and we thank the Lord for each day we have.
Best Wishes,
Allen
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, I'm going to tell you another story. You see, this weekend is Angel's and my 12th wedding anniversary. I've been in charge of planning things this year. Angel is the master planner of the last 2 or 3 years. She's done an excellent job but it was time for me to take a shot at it. So, budgeting with what we have, I decided on doing something more local this year but still fun.
I made plans for the kids to stay with relatives and for me and Angel to have a nice hotel somewhere near or around town. I went online looking for deals this week and I was actually disappointed with a couple of online services I'd used before but lo and behold, William Shatner did NOT disappoint!
I found Priceline.com had the best selection and deals for the price -- and that was even without using their "Name Your Own Price" roulette wheel! It took a little while but I found something perfectly appropriate in a nice area just north of Austin and within our budget. I secured the deal online and printed out the itinerary.
I work a half-day tomorrow and then we take the kids to the relatives, check into our hotel and have a nice dinner and relaxing evening. Sunday (March 18th) will actually be our wedding anniversary and we will pick up the kids in the evening.
I keep hearing more and more how staying married for 12 years is considered an unbelievable accomplishment in and of itself, nevermind being an interracial marriage, too! We've been through a lot over these years but we're still each other's best friend. We've learned to lean and depend on one another and we deeply, deeply love and respect one another. Although we don't know what tomorrow might bring, we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other, growing old together and we thank the Lord for each day we have.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Friday, February 23, 2007
Not In The News Friday (NITNF)
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, a little multimedia -- the trailer for the MAVIN Foundation's documentary Chasing Daybreak.
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, a little multimedia -- the trailer for the MAVIN Foundation's documentary Chasing Daybreak.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Not In The News Friday (NITNF)
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, I happened upon an interesting book about being biracial by...someone who's biracial! I thought I'd share What Are You? by Pearl Gaskins
Here's a little about the author:
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, I happened upon an interesting book about being biracial by...someone who's biracial! I thought I'd share What Are You? by Pearl Gaskins
Here's a little about the author:
Pearl Gaskins is an award-winning journalist with 12 years of experience interviewing young people and writing about the issues that concern them--from prejudice and peer pressure to divorce and drug abuse. This is her first book.
The child of an interracial marriage--her mother is Japanese-American and her father is European-American--Ms. Gaskins created What Are You? as a forum for mixed-race young people to share their experiences, wisdom, and creativity. She also hopes the book will inform and enlighten current and future parents of mixed-race children, facilitate family dialogue about racial differences, and inspire readers of all backgrounds to reject race as a means of dividing and categorizing people.
Ms. Gaskins was raised in a military family and lived in many places. She spent her teenage years in Northern California, lived in Hawaii and New York, and now resides in the Chicago area. She has a bachelor's degree in sociology from the University of California at Berkeley and a master's in journalism from New York University. She has won three awards from the Educational Press Association of America for writing and editing magazine articles for young people.
In the early 80s, Ms. Gaskins participated in IPRIDE (Interracial Intercultural Pride), a social and support group for multiracial people and interracial families in Berkeley. She is a member of Hapa Issues Forum.
Source: WhatAreYou.com
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Not In The News Friday: Late Edition 4
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
My apologies, yesterday was a rush of extreme business but I have not forgotten NITNF! And I did find something nice for you all.
This week I have to post a link instead of text. I want to honor the copyrights of the original site and its authors. Please do go and read a teen's perspective on Being Biracial by Shana L. Rosedale of New York.
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
My apologies, yesterday was a rush of extreme business but I have not forgotten NITNF! And I did find something nice for you all.
This week I have to post a link instead of text. I want to honor the copyrights of the original site and its authors. Please do go and read a teen's perspective on Being Biracial by Shana L. Rosedale of New York.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Being Together
The above picture is beautiful. With its lush scenery, amazing natural light and colors, it typifies what I find incredible about the beginning or the end of a day. And yet, it doesn't come close to how incredible it feels to wake up next to the same woman whom I've loved for nearly 15 years now. To know that she is the one I'm married to, committed to, who has given me two precious children and has dedicated herself to me for the rest of her life. To know that her feelings for me are as genuine, as powerful as my feelings for her. To know that, even though there will be different kinds of emotional, physical and spiritual trials in our relationship, we have pledged to make it through, with the help of the Lord.
I am truly grateful for the loved ones in my life and I never want to take them or their love for granted. I know that tomorrow is not promised, so I want to give my praises today. I'm proud of my wife and I'm proud of my family. This is our family, we made it together. We are interracial and we are also...completely normal.
Have a great weekend!
Best Wishes,
Allen
The above picture is beautiful. With its lush scenery, amazing natural light and colors, it typifies what I find incredible about the beginning or the end of a day. And yet, it doesn't come close to how incredible it feels to wake up next to the same woman whom I've loved for nearly 15 years now. To know that she is the one I'm married to, committed to, who has given me two precious children and has dedicated herself to me for the rest of her life. To know that her feelings for me are as genuine, as powerful as my feelings for her. To know that, even though there will be different kinds of emotional, physical and spiritual trials in our relationship, we have pledged to make it through, with the help of the Lord.
I am truly grateful for the loved ones in my life and I never want to take them or their love for granted. I know that tomorrow is not promised, so I want to give my praises today. I'm proud of my wife and I'm proud of my family. This is our family, we made it together. We are interracial and we are also...completely normal.
Have a great weekend!
Best Wishes,
Allen
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Saturday Sage Wisdom
I read this quote in an all-races forum and had to relay it here, for a couple of reasons:
One, because I liked it; and
Two, because whether you agree with it or not, there is an aspect to it that is true.
I know, I know, not everyone's parents were married when they were born, but the point is still a good one. And considering that there is no such thing as a person who is 100% any ethnicity or "race," we are all mixed somewhere in our DNA, even if it was 15 generations ago.
Best Wishes,
Allen
I read this quote in an all-races forum and had to relay it here, for a couple of reasons:
One, because I liked it; and
Two, because whether you agree with it or not, there is an aspect to it that is true.
When you think about it no two people are alike so we are all from mixed marriages.
I know, I know, not everyone's parents were married when they were born, but the point is still a good one. And considering that there is no such thing as a person who is 100% any ethnicity or "race," we are all mixed somewhere in our DNA, even if it was 15 generations ago.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Friday, January 12, 2007
Not In The News Friday (NITNF)
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, we have a real treat: Japancast.net. This website is run by an interracial married couple, Paul (who is a White American) and Hitomi (who is Japanese). They are dedicated to teaching people the Japanese language and culture via their website and downloadable podcasts.
My wife has been very interested in all things Japanese, which is how she came across their site. I have found it a fascinating experience as well, although I'm not as fast at learning languages as I am at fixing computers...alas...but I am trying!
Back to Japancast.net: Their podcasts are both informative and fun. Their website also contains lots of trivia, pictures (they have some cute kids), videos, a blog and forum -- as well as the podcasts. Check them out today!
Best Wishes,
Allen
NITNF will usually be a bit of trivia that I found interesting and thought you would like. It may be IR-related and it might not -- but should always be fun...or at least fascinating.
This week, we have a real treat: Japancast.net. This website is run by an interracial married couple, Paul (who is a White American) and Hitomi (who is Japanese). They are dedicated to teaching people the Japanese language and culture via their website and downloadable podcasts.
My wife has been very interested in all things Japanese, which is how she came across their site. I have found it a fascinating experience as well, although I'm not as fast at learning languages as I am at fixing computers...alas...but I am trying!
Back to Japancast.net: Their podcasts are both informative and fun. Their website also contains lots of trivia, pictures (they have some cute kids), videos, a blog and forum -- as well as the podcasts. Check them out today!
Best Wishes,
Allen
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
A Long Way To Go...
On Saturday night, the hard drive on our beloved main home computer, well, died. Yesterday was one of my days off, so I thought I'd ride the bus over to the computer store and get a replacement hard drive.
I got to the bus stop at about 9:15am. A few minutes later, a Hispanic young man walked up and sat down at the other bus stop bench about 10 feet away. A few minutes later, a Black woman who I'd seen a couple of days earlier at the same bus stop walked up. Since we'd spoken before, I said "Good morning." She looked at me with an odd glare and walked back in the other direction and waited about 20 feet away from the Hispanic young man. Weird but whatever, right?
Several minutes after that, a young Black woman walked up and stood about 10 feet on the other side of the bus stop. And a couple of minutes after that, a Black man walked up and started a conversation with the young Black woman.
Now, maybe I'm being oversensitive, but seeing a scene of complete volunteer racial social segregation at a bus stop, of all places, was sort of surreal. I did not feel personally discriminated against for my race but it was an odd experience.
Is it possible that those two people already knew each other? Sure, but it didn't look like it. There wasn't a look of familiarity between them, it just looked like they were passing time till the bus came.
I think it is sad that some people feel that they must place that much physical space and social distance between themselves and someone of another race -- or that the only thing necessary for a person to feel comfortable enough to strike up a conversation with another person is the color of their skin.
I've had plenty of days where I wait at the bus stop and people of different races stand next to each other, even if noone talks (although usually at least one person will)...so this wasn't an everyday experience. It's just odd that there are enough people being socially indoctrinated to this kind of behavior that it's possible at all.
Best Wishes,
Allen
On Saturday night, the hard drive on our beloved main home computer, well, died. Yesterday was one of my days off, so I thought I'd ride the bus over to the computer store and get a replacement hard drive.
I got to the bus stop at about 9:15am. A few minutes later, a Hispanic young man walked up and sat down at the other bus stop bench about 10 feet away. A few minutes later, a Black woman who I'd seen a couple of days earlier at the same bus stop walked up. Since we'd spoken before, I said "Good morning." She looked at me with an odd glare and walked back in the other direction and waited about 20 feet away from the Hispanic young man. Weird but whatever, right?
Several minutes after that, a young Black woman walked up and stood about 10 feet on the other side of the bus stop. And a couple of minutes after that, a Black man walked up and started a conversation with the young Black woman.
Now, maybe I'm being oversensitive, but seeing a scene of complete volunteer racial social segregation at a bus stop, of all places, was sort of surreal. I did not feel personally discriminated against for my race but it was an odd experience.
Is it possible that those two people already knew each other? Sure, but it didn't look like it. There wasn't a look of familiarity between them, it just looked like they were passing time till the bus came.
I think it is sad that some people feel that they must place that much physical space and social distance between themselves and someone of another race -- or that the only thing necessary for a person to feel comfortable enough to strike up a conversation with another person is the color of their skin.
I've had plenty of days where I wait at the bus stop and people of different races stand next to each other, even if noone talks (although usually at least one person will)...so this wasn't an everyday experience. It's just odd that there are enough people being socially indoctrinated to this kind of behavior that it's possible at all.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Interracial Pregnancy Led To Kidnapping, Teen Says
I wish I could say this surprises me, but it doesn't. I'm just glad the daughter got away and the parents were apprehended. If you have to break the law and try to force someone -- especially your own daughter -- to do something they don't want to do, just because you have a prejudice, then something is terribly wrong and you deserve the fullest prosecution of the law.
Best Wishes,
Allen
I wish I could say this surprises me, but it doesn't. I'm just glad the daughter got away and the parents were apprehended. If you have to break the law and try to force someone -- especially your own daughter -- to do something they don't want to do, just because you have a prejudice, then something is terribly wrong and you deserve the fullest prosecution of the law.
Best Wishes,
Allen
The Associated Press
Published: Sep 20, 2006
SALEM, N.H. - A Maine couple accused of tying up their 19-year-old daughter, throwing her in their car and driving her out of state to get an abortion were upset because the baby's father is black, a Maine sheriff said Tuesday.
Katelyn Kampf, who is white, told Cumberland County Sheriff Mark Dion that her mother "was pretty irate at the fact that the child's father was black, and she had made a number of disparaging remarks about that," he said.
Kampf escaped Friday at a Salem shopping center and called police, who arrested her parents, Nicholas Kampf, 54, and Lola Kampf, 53, both real estate developers from North Yarmouth, Maine.
The Kampfs were apparently taking their daughter to New York to try to force her to get an abortion there, police said.
The parents were arraigned Monday on kidnapping charges. The judge set bail at $100,000 each and ordered the Kampfs to have no contact with their daughter. They posted bail Tuesday afternoon.
If convicted of kidnapping, the Kampfs face 7 1/2 to 15 years in prison. Dion said he expects to bring charges in Maine also, after investigators consult with the district attorney today.
Defense attorney Mark Sisti said Tuesday that a sworn statement by police who interviewed Katelyn Kampf and her parents said nothing about the race of the baby's father.
Katelyn Kampf escaped from her parents after persuading them to untie her so she could use a Kmart bathroom, police said. She used her father's cell phone, which she had taken, to call 911.
The boyfriend, Reme Johnson, 22, last week began serving a six-month sentence for theft at the Androscoggin County Jail in Auburn, Maine.
Johnson also has previous felony convictions for burglary and for receiving stolen property, the Portland Press Herald reported.
Source: TBO.com: Interracial Pregnancy Led To Kidnapping, Teen Says
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Exploring What Makes One Interracially Motivated
Picture from Melting Pot Gifts
In the process of moving, you inevitably end up taking a trip down memory lane. It either happens while you're boxing stuff up or when you're unboxing things at your new place.
It happened to me yesterday. At first, it was kind of tough because I found the newspaper clipping of my dad's obituary from May 1997. That was rougher than I expected it to be. But as I began transferring papers from a nearly unuseable box into a new box, I ran across old letters I sent Angel when she was in college and in the Army. And while I will not disclose any of the contents of those most personal letters, I will say that it taught me some things about our relationship and about myself.
I sometimes wonder why my first love happened to be a black woman. Why did things just click so perfectly (at first, at least)? And did this affect me in other dating choices at that time? In retrospect, I believe that it did, but that did not keep me from dating women of many races, including asian, hispanic, black and white.
But one thing was certain: I treated every woman the same, regardless of race. I was looking for Ms. Right. I wanted someone to love who would also love me. My heart's desire always was to get married and have children, so I wanted someone who shared those goals. I went through some odd and painful experiences looking for her. My first love did not want marriage or kids (and sadly, that was just the beginning of the problems with that relationship). Several women didn't seem to know what they wanted (I guess that's pretty normal). Others knew what they wanted and didn't choose to clue me in. Such is the nature of dating...
Then I met Angel. We were friends before we started dating. But before we could start dating, I had to realize that I loved her. And I did (and do) love her. I knew she was beautiful the first time I met her but I fell in love with her for her personality, intelligence, sensitivity and boldness. We also had a great deal of fun together!
For example, early in our relationship, she planned to surprise me by borrowing a camcorder and taping our whole Saturday together. I had already planned to take us to the Bastrop State Park and some other places. We ended up watching the sunset on Mount Bonnell, one of Austin's great romantic nature spots (we also stopped at many places before then, too). We could be spontaneous like that and we both enjoyed it.
So, being very upfront, my attraction to black women was a factor in why Angel and I had some of our initial chemistry and why I find her physically attractive. But what's kept us together is a combination of that chemistry along with our personalities, our striving to make it as a couple and the desire for our relationship to grow and mature...and it has! Race had nothing to do with the latter factors.
I'm incredibly proud of our biracial children. They are everything I ever wanted and so much more. Sure, they will try to get away with some things and have a little attitude sometimes, but that's just part of growing up. We're firm with them but we always try to show them that we love them...and they always show us that they love us, too.
I look at them and I see the perfect blending of the black and white "races" and from that, I see that race is literally what you make it. I also see that the combination makes them genetically and culturally stronger than each race by itself. It gives them more options and more of a future.
I've been with this woman for 14 years, married for 11 of them. I will always be learning what it means to love her and I hope to continue to learn her, understand her and find new ways to be there for her. That's what she's done for me. Her race does not determine whether I love her or not. It's part of who she is and I love all of who she is. But human beings are more than their race.
I wish some people could learn that.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Picture from Melting Pot Gifts
In the process of moving, you inevitably end up taking a trip down memory lane. It either happens while you're boxing stuff up or when you're unboxing things at your new place.
It happened to me yesterday. At first, it was kind of tough because I found the newspaper clipping of my dad's obituary from May 1997. That was rougher than I expected it to be. But as I began transferring papers from a nearly unuseable box into a new box, I ran across old letters I sent Angel when she was in college and in the Army. And while I will not disclose any of the contents of those most personal letters, I will say that it taught me some things about our relationship and about myself.
I sometimes wonder why my first love happened to be a black woman. Why did things just click so perfectly (at first, at least)? And did this affect me in other dating choices at that time? In retrospect, I believe that it did, but that did not keep me from dating women of many races, including asian, hispanic, black and white.
But one thing was certain: I treated every woman the same, regardless of race. I was looking for Ms. Right. I wanted someone to love who would also love me. My heart's desire always was to get married and have children, so I wanted someone who shared those goals. I went through some odd and painful experiences looking for her. My first love did not want marriage or kids (and sadly, that was just the beginning of the problems with that relationship). Several women didn't seem to know what they wanted (I guess that's pretty normal). Others knew what they wanted and didn't choose to clue me in. Such is the nature of dating...
Then I met Angel. We were friends before we started dating. But before we could start dating, I had to realize that I loved her. And I did (and do) love her. I knew she was beautiful the first time I met her but I fell in love with her for her personality, intelligence, sensitivity and boldness. We also had a great deal of fun together!
For example, early in our relationship, she planned to surprise me by borrowing a camcorder and taping our whole Saturday together. I had already planned to take us to the Bastrop State Park and some other places. We ended up watching the sunset on Mount Bonnell, one of Austin's great romantic nature spots (we also stopped at many places before then, too). We could be spontaneous like that and we both enjoyed it.
So, being very upfront, my attraction to black women was a factor in why Angel and I had some of our initial chemistry and why I find her physically attractive. But what's kept us together is a combination of that chemistry along with our personalities, our striving to make it as a couple and the desire for our relationship to grow and mature...and it has! Race had nothing to do with the latter factors.
I'm incredibly proud of our biracial children. They are everything I ever wanted and so much more. Sure, they will try to get away with some things and have a little attitude sometimes, but that's just part of growing up. We're firm with them but we always try to show them that we love them...and they always show us that they love us, too.
I look at them and I see the perfect blending of the black and white "races" and from that, I see that race is literally what you make it. I also see that the combination makes them genetically and culturally stronger than each race by itself. It gives them more options and more of a future.
I've been with this woman for 14 years, married for 11 of them. I will always be learning what it means to love her and I hope to continue to learn her, understand her and find new ways to be there for her. That's what she's done for me. Her race does not determine whether I love her or not. It's part of who she is and I love all of who she is. But human beings are more than their race.
I wish some people could learn that.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Thursday, July 06, 2006
One Drop (Rule) Is Wrong
The last time I blogged on this type of topic, I got a sharp criticism from an African-American reader who felt I wasn't qualified to speak on such things because I'm white. Nevermind how racist that in itself is, it is how some people feel. So let me preface this post by saying I am qualified to speak on the following topic because I am the father of two biracial children.
First, some historical background via Wikipedia:
So, keeping this in mind, it is troubling to me that One Drop Rule is even around... It's a way of thinking whose time has gone the way of the dodo and the dinosaur. It needs to die.
And this is my opinion only, but I believe One Drop Rule is racist. Yes, racist ... because it states that one racial heritage is dominant over the other even within a mixed-race genetic makeup. One Drop encourages a biracial or multiracial individual to choose one racial heritage over the other and downplay or deny the other -- supposedly for the good of the individual or to help them "fit in." As a social context, it is particularly insidious because often shame is used to batter the biracial individual into submission of the group- or collective-inspired racism. Mob rules thinking. It is wrong and should be called out for the terribly misguided racism it is. No one race or culture is any better than any other.
Fortunately, my sons have not faced this pressure yet. Austin is a fairly diverse city and interracial marriages and families are common here but there is racism, too -- from all sides. Someday, they may be encouraged to think that they're only Black. It may be from friends or coworkers or anybody, really.
My job as their parent is to teach them to embrace all of who they are. It's not about being white or black or even Apache. It's about being you, whatever that means. And my job (and my wife's) is to answer their questions about where they come from. If they want to know about African-American or even African culture, we will teach them. If they want to know about Native Americans, we will do the same. If they wanted to know about my Dutch ancestors, same thing.
Life is too short and confusing enough to be distracted by "racial identity issues." Simply be who you are -- ALL of who you are. My boys do not think of themselves as any one race -- they know they are mixed. But more important than that, they know they are loved.
That's really all that matters...isn't it?
Best Wishes,
Allen
The last time I blogged on this type of topic, I got a sharp criticism from an African-American reader who felt I wasn't qualified to speak on such things because I'm white. Nevermind how racist that in itself is, it is how some people feel. So let me preface this post by saying I am qualified to speak on the following topic because I am the father of two biracial children.
First, some historical background via Wikipedia:
The one-drop theory (or one-drop rule) is a historical colloquial term for the standard, found throughout the United States of America, that holds that a person with even a tiny portion of non-white ancestry ("one drop of non-white blood") should be classified as "colored", especially for the purposes of laws forbidding interracial marriage. It is an ethnocentric concept based on the idea of human hierarchy. This notion of invisible/intangible membership in a "racial" group has seldom been applied to people of Native American ancestry (see Race in the United States for details). The notion has also been applied to the idea of solely black ancestry.
By 1925, almost every state had a one-drop law on the books, or something equivalent. These were the laws that gave power to bureaucrats like Walter Plecker of Virginia [8], Naomi Drake of Louisiana [9], and similar people around the country — people whose mission was to hunt down any families of mixed ancestry and shove them to the Black side of the color line.
In 1967 the U.S. Supreme Court, in its ruling on the case of Loving v. Virginia, conclusively invalidated Plecker's Virginia Racial Integrity Act, along with its key component, the one-drop rule, as unconstitutional. Despite this holding, the one-drop theory is still influential in U.S. society. Multiracial individuals with visible mixed European and African and/or Native American ancestry are often still considered non-white unless they explicitly declare themselves white or Anglo, and are typically identified instead as mixed-race, mulatto or mestizo, or Black or American Indian, for example. By contrast these standards are widely rejected by America's Latino community, the majority of whom are of mixed ancestry, but for whom their Latino cultural heritage is more important to their ethnic identities than "race". The one-drop rule is not generally applied to Latinos of mixed origin or to Arab-Americans.
So, keeping this in mind, it is troubling to me that One Drop Rule is even around... It's a way of thinking whose time has gone the way of the dodo and the dinosaur. It needs to die.
And this is my opinion only, but I believe One Drop Rule is racist. Yes, racist ... because it states that one racial heritage is dominant over the other even within a mixed-race genetic makeup. One Drop encourages a biracial or multiracial individual to choose one racial heritage over the other and downplay or deny the other -- supposedly for the good of the individual or to help them "fit in." As a social context, it is particularly insidious because often shame is used to batter the biracial individual into submission of the group- or collective-inspired racism. Mob rules thinking. It is wrong and should be called out for the terribly misguided racism it is. No one race or culture is any better than any other.
Fortunately, my sons have not faced this pressure yet. Austin is a fairly diverse city and interracial marriages and families are common here but there is racism, too -- from all sides. Someday, they may be encouraged to think that they're only Black. It may be from friends or coworkers or anybody, really.
My job as their parent is to teach them to embrace all of who they are. It's not about being white or black or even Apache. It's about being you, whatever that means. And my job (and my wife's) is to answer their questions about where they come from. If they want to know about African-American or even African culture, we will teach them. If they want to know about Native Americans, we will do the same. If they wanted to know about my Dutch ancestors, same thing.
Life is too short and confusing enough to be distracted by "racial identity issues." Simply be who you are -- ALL of who you are. My boys do not think of themselves as any one race -- they know they are mixed. But more important than that, they know they are loved.
That's really all that matters...isn't it?
Best Wishes,
Allen
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Romantic Memories, Episode One
The following is a true story from the Adventures of Allen and Angel.
Late May 1993. Angel and I were engaged at the time. She had passed basic training (U.S. Army) with flying colors and phoned me early in the morning to let me know she would be flying to Advanced Individual Training (AIT) in Arizona that day. She told me she'd be transferring through the Atlanta airport on Delta airlines and then the Dallas airport before going to Arizona. She also gave me the approximate flight times.
After I got off the phone, I was a bit sad because it would be some time before I'd see her (I'd wanted to go to her Basic graduation but it hadn't been possible). We had sent each other snail mail and had a few phone calls since March.
Then the craziest idea in the world entered my brain: somehow, I would meet her at the airport in Dallas!
I didn't have much time to plan. I called Delta airlines to find out her flight number based on the airport locations (including gates) and times. Then I had to determine when the flight would arrive in Dallas. I got that info, wrote it down and got in my car and started driving to the Austin airport.
As I drove, I thought "God, if you don't want this to happen, stop me now."
I got to the airport and purchased the first one-way flight to Dallas I could get. I would arrive at the Dallas airport with not too much time to spare. I literally had to run from one end of the airport to the other to find the right gate in time. I arrived shortly before that flight arrived.
Keep in mind, I had no idea whether this was the right flight or not. Even though the info seemed to match, it could have been another plane with different passengers!
I waited, nervous with anticipation yet also fearing a letdown if I'd miscalculated. Let's face it, this was a lot of money to spend if I was totally wrong.
The minutes passed. The plane arrived and passengers started exiting the plane. It seemed like an eternity, even though it was probably only 5 to 10 minutes.
And I finally saw her. My Angel. In military uniform.
She was the most beautiful sight in the world to me at that time (still is!).
In retrospect, it must have been quite a sight to others to see us together, though. Not merely an interracial couple but, at the time, I was wearing casual summer clothes (jeans and t-shirt) and had my hair past shoulder length. She was in standard military attire. And yet, there we were, a happy couple in love, delighted to see each other.
Actually, Angel looked like she'd seen a ghost when she saw me! It made it worth every penny I'd spent on my credit card. I had totally, utterly surprised her -- just as I'd hoped.
In the end, we got to spend a whopping 36 minutes together before she had to catch her connecting flight. Still, it was a total recharge to me. I hadn't seen her in nearly three months.
It was hard to leave her but I had my satisfaction. I'd accomplished my goal for the day. A total spur-of-the-moment act of utter lunacy -- and it'd paid off!
I purchased another one-way ticket back to Austin and had to zoom across Austin to make it to my (then) part-time job. I worked in happy exhaustion for the next 6 hours.
It was totally worth it.
This is the same woman I ended up marrying 11 years ago. The same woman whom I've had 2 sons with.
So, believe it or not, World -- LOVE lives!
13 years ago and it's still fresh in my memory.
I just thought I'd share it with you all.
Best Wishes,
Allen
The following is a true story from the Adventures of Allen and Angel.
Late May 1993. Angel and I were engaged at the time. She had passed basic training (U.S. Army) with flying colors and phoned me early in the morning to let me know she would be flying to Advanced Individual Training (AIT) in Arizona that day. She told me she'd be transferring through the Atlanta airport on Delta airlines and then the Dallas airport before going to Arizona. She also gave me the approximate flight times.
After I got off the phone, I was a bit sad because it would be some time before I'd see her (I'd wanted to go to her Basic graduation but it hadn't been possible). We had sent each other snail mail and had a few phone calls since March.
Then the craziest idea in the world entered my brain: somehow, I would meet her at the airport in Dallas!
I didn't have much time to plan. I called Delta airlines to find out her flight number based on the airport locations (including gates) and times. Then I had to determine when the flight would arrive in Dallas. I got that info, wrote it down and got in my car and started driving to the Austin airport.
As I drove, I thought "God, if you don't want this to happen, stop me now."
I got to the airport and purchased the first one-way flight to Dallas I could get. I would arrive at the Dallas airport with not too much time to spare. I literally had to run from one end of the airport to the other to find the right gate in time. I arrived shortly before that flight arrived.
Keep in mind, I had no idea whether this was the right flight or not. Even though the info seemed to match, it could have been another plane with different passengers!
I waited, nervous with anticipation yet also fearing a letdown if I'd miscalculated. Let's face it, this was a lot of money to spend if I was totally wrong.
The minutes passed. The plane arrived and passengers started exiting the plane. It seemed like an eternity, even though it was probably only 5 to 10 minutes.
And I finally saw her. My Angel. In military uniform.
She was the most beautiful sight in the world to me at that time (still is!).
In retrospect, it must have been quite a sight to others to see us together, though. Not merely an interracial couple but, at the time, I was wearing casual summer clothes (jeans and t-shirt) and had my hair past shoulder length. She was in standard military attire. And yet, there we were, a happy couple in love, delighted to see each other.
Actually, Angel looked like she'd seen a ghost when she saw me! It made it worth every penny I'd spent on my credit card. I had totally, utterly surprised her -- just as I'd hoped.
In the end, we got to spend a whopping 36 minutes together before she had to catch her connecting flight. Still, it was a total recharge to me. I hadn't seen her in nearly three months.
It was hard to leave her but I had my satisfaction. I'd accomplished my goal for the day. A total spur-of-the-moment act of utter lunacy -- and it'd paid off!
I purchased another one-way ticket back to Austin and had to zoom across Austin to make it to my (then) part-time job. I worked in happy exhaustion for the next 6 hours.
It was totally worth it.
This is the same woman I ended up marrying 11 years ago. The same woman whom I've had 2 sons with.
So, believe it or not, World -- LOVE lives!
13 years ago and it's still fresh in my memory.
I just thought I'd share it with you all.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Friday, June 23, 2006
The Sad State of Interracial Blogs
I was curious about the state of interracial blogs in the blogosphere, so of course, I tried to Google the term. Geez, was that a mistake! I couldn't even attempt to click on any of the links because they were all porn, all the time.
That was disappointing.
I know there are blogs from interracial couples and families and biracial/multiracial people but they are few and far between. I have recently spent some time cruising Blog Explosion and while there's a wealth of political and personal blogs, religious and anti-religious blogs, sports and financial blogs, there just aren't too many interracial blogs.
So we earn our name a little longer: Interrace Haven. We still discuss topics from the point of view of someone in an interracial marriage with biracial kids. Sometimes "slice-of-life," sometimes comedy, sometimes serious and sometimes spiritual, but one way or the other, it's IR Haven, all the time.
If you know of some good IR blogs out there, I'd love to check them out! Send me link suggestions HERE!
Best Wishes,
Allen
I was curious about the state of interracial blogs in the blogosphere, so of course, I tried to Google the term. Geez, was that a mistake! I couldn't even attempt to click on any of the links because they were all porn, all the time.
That was disappointing.
I know there are blogs from interracial couples and families and biracial/multiracial people but they are few and far between. I have recently spent some time cruising Blog Explosion and while there's a wealth of political and personal blogs, religious and anti-religious blogs, sports and financial blogs, there just aren't too many interracial blogs.
So we earn our name a little longer: Interrace Haven. We still discuss topics from the point of view of someone in an interracial marriage with biracial kids. Sometimes "slice-of-life," sometimes comedy, sometimes serious and sometimes spiritual, but one way or the other, it's IR Haven, all the time.
If you know of some good IR blogs out there, I'd love to check them out! Send me link suggestions HERE!
Best Wishes,
Allen
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
A Note From The Makers Of Colourz Magazine:
"We here, at Colourz magazine, would love to hear your stories and comments on how being bi-racial has affected you. The mission of Colourz is to open a gateway of communication among all people. Colourz will confront and help combat, in an informative and educational way, the obstacles many people face due to their mixed heritage, ethnicity, prejudices of others and prejudices within themselves. Colourz is the magazine for anyone who is or has known a person who is mixed, mulatto, half & half, part this or part that. There are no limitations. Colourz is for you. Please respond to colourzreaders@yahoo.com
"We are looking forward to hearing from you!"
"We here, at Colourz magazine, would love to hear your stories and comments on how being bi-racial has affected you. The mission of Colourz is to open a gateway of communication among all people. Colourz will confront and help combat, in an informative and educational way, the obstacles many people face due to their mixed heritage, ethnicity, prejudices of others and prejudices within themselves. Colourz is the magazine for anyone who is or has known a person who is mixed, mulatto, half & half, part this or part that. There are no limitations. Colourz is for you. Please respond to colourzreaders@yahoo.com
"We are looking forward to hearing from you!"
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Tomorrow Is Father's Day
Few things make me as proud and satisfied as being a dad. I'm proud of my family. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to (someday) get married and have kids. It was a very strong feeling, a driving force -- and quite frankly, sometimes it didn't make sense.
I mean, it's a perfectly normal goal to have, don't get me wrong -- but I wonder how that notion gets planted in a 10-year old or a 14-year old or an 18-year old kid? You would think that all that would be on your mind would be playing with your friends or tv shows or sports as driving influences. And for the most part, those were my influences (except for sports -- me, other kids and sports didn't get along, but that's another blog entry).
I was a total introvertive comic book creator (as a hobby, never for profit), comic book fan, and my folks had bought me a video game system (anybody old enough to remember Colecovision?) by age 10. Still, somewhere near the surface of my heart was this need for a wife and a family of my own.
Even in my dark, angst-filled teen years, I still envisioned a future where I'd get married and have kids.
Elements of marriage and family were present in all my creative projects from that period in my life, whether the superhero comics or music (between the ages of 18 and 20, I recorded an album titled "Dreams & Wishes" where the title song's lyrics speak of my longing for real love. The basic last line is "You are my dreams and wishes").
Inevitably, when I dated, I would ask the young women what they thought about marriage and kids. Although I did have at least one girlfriend who wasn't interested in either, most considered it to one degree or another. It was always important to me, even though I did not get engaged to anyone until Angel proposed to me.
Angel says I "serenaded" her for children, and I did (not literally, but with my actions and through our conversations). Having found the woman of my "dreams and wishes," I had an unexplainable urgency to have a child with her...and we did. We were married on March 18, 1995 and our first child was born on October 8, 1995 (and no, we hadn't become Christians yet, although Angel give her life to Christ 2 weeks before our son, Adam, was born).
A couple of years later, Angel told me she wanted to have another child, a sibling for Adam. It really didn't take any effort to convince me. Josey was born on October 6, 1998.
Now my boys are school age (10 and 7, respectively) and have their own distinct personalities, quirks, strengths and weaknesses. I love them both equally and I'm very happy to say they show their love for me and Angel every day. They are both loving and caring boys, each in their own special way. They are both amazingly intelligent and healthy and creative. They're also handsome and charming and witty.
I love them more and more each day, just as I love my wife more each day. It may sound like a Hallmark(tm) greeting card but it's the truth. I couldn't ask for a better family.
People often ask me and Angel whether or not we want to "try for a girl." The truth is, we are satisifed. If it's God's will that we have a daughter (or even another son), then we'll accept that and be thankful and adapt as necessary.
But for right now, we're a good family. We're the family I always wanted.
Dreams do come true sometimes.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Few things make me as proud and satisfied as being a dad. I'm proud of my family. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to (someday) get married and have kids. It was a very strong feeling, a driving force -- and quite frankly, sometimes it didn't make sense.
I mean, it's a perfectly normal goal to have, don't get me wrong -- but I wonder how that notion gets planted in a 10-year old or a 14-year old or an 18-year old kid? You would think that all that would be on your mind would be playing with your friends or tv shows or sports as driving influences. And for the most part, those were my influences (except for sports -- me, other kids and sports didn't get along, but that's another blog entry).
I was a total introvertive comic book creator (as a hobby, never for profit), comic book fan, and my folks had bought me a video game system (anybody old enough to remember Colecovision?) by age 10. Still, somewhere near the surface of my heart was this need for a wife and a family of my own.
Even in my dark, angst-filled teen years, I still envisioned a future where I'd get married and have kids.
Elements of marriage and family were present in all my creative projects from that period in my life, whether the superhero comics or music (between the ages of 18 and 20, I recorded an album titled "Dreams & Wishes" where the title song's lyrics speak of my longing for real love. The basic last line is "You are my dreams and wishes").
Inevitably, when I dated, I would ask the young women what they thought about marriage and kids. Although I did have at least one girlfriend who wasn't interested in either, most considered it to one degree or another. It was always important to me, even though I did not get engaged to anyone until Angel proposed to me.
Angel says I "serenaded" her for children, and I did (not literally, but with my actions and through our conversations). Having found the woman of my "dreams and wishes," I had an unexplainable urgency to have a child with her...and we did. We were married on March 18, 1995 and our first child was born on October 8, 1995 (and no, we hadn't become Christians yet, although Angel give her life to Christ 2 weeks before our son, Adam, was born).
A couple of years later, Angel told me she wanted to have another child, a sibling for Adam. It really didn't take any effort to convince me. Josey was born on October 6, 1998.
Now my boys are school age (10 and 7, respectively) and have their own distinct personalities, quirks, strengths and weaknesses. I love them both equally and I'm very happy to say they show their love for me and Angel every day. They are both loving and caring boys, each in their own special way. They are both amazingly intelligent and healthy and creative. They're also handsome and charming and witty.
I love them more and more each day, just as I love my wife more each day. It may sound like a Hallmark(tm) greeting card but it's the truth. I couldn't ask for a better family.
People often ask me and Angel whether or not we want to "try for a girl." The truth is, we are satisifed. If it's God's will that we have a daughter (or even another son), then we'll accept that and be thankful and adapt as necessary.
But for right now, we're a good family. We're the family I always wanted.
Dreams do come true sometimes.
Best Wishes,
Allen
Friday, June 02, 2006
Your Stories: Help IR Haven Generate Content
I have been wanting to add more IR-centric content to the blog recently, so this afternoon, I had an idea.
I'd like you to send me your IR stories and I will post them as blog entries, one per day. They don't have to be long or works of art, although I think they will be beautiful in their own way.
I'd like couples' stories (how you met, what your ethnicities are, how long you've been together, how many kids, etc.) and individuals stories (life as a biracial or multiracial person, how it has shaped your insights, your world view, etc.).
A couple of suggestions: Just use first names. Keep the language family-friendly.
E-mail your stories to me HERE!
I'll start posting them as soon as I receive them. Thanks in advance!
Best Wishes,
Allen
I have been wanting to add more IR-centric content to the blog recently, so this afternoon, I had an idea.
I'd like you to send me your IR stories and I will post them as blog entries, one per day. They don't have to be long or works of art, although I think they will be beautiful in their own way.
I'd like couples' stories (how you met, what your ethnicities are, how long you've been together, how many kids, etc.) and individuals stories (life as a biracial or multiracial person, how it has shaped your insights, your world view, etc.).
A couple of suggestions: Just use first names. Keep the language family-friendly.
E-mail your stories to me HERE!
I'll start posting them as soon as I receive them. Thanks in advance!
Best Wishes,
Allen
Thursday, January 05, 2006
IR Haven: 3 Years And Still Blogging
IR Haven launched its blog in January 2003. Since then, I've rambled on about IR topics, family life, spiritual matters, non-dairy recipes and more.
Well, now I've got a new one to blog about: Identity Theft!
This happened to me for the first time, just in the last week. Recently, our single vehicle, our beloved family van, has been undriveable due to some transmission problems. So, I've been taking the bus to work and a cab back home (I live just a couple of miles from my job, so it's not that bad). The majority of the time, I prefer to pay for cabs with cash but one time, I made the mistake of paying with my debit card.
Now, a week or two later, my bank account gets hit for nearly $900 in online gambling charges! Don't worry, I was able to contact the bank and let them know as soon as my wife and I looked at the account online. The bank was quick to mark the debit card stolen and launch an investigation into the fraudulent use of the card. Most likely, everything will be reversed within a few days, but it was quite a scare.
Life goes on...
Best Wishes,
Allen
IR Haven launched its blog in January 2003. Since then, I've rambled on about IR topics, family life, spiritual matters, non-dairy recipes and more.
Well, now I've got a new one to blog about: Identity Theft!
This happened to me for the first time, just in the last week. Recently, our single vehicle, our beloved family van, has been undriveable due to some transmission problems. So, I've been taking the bus to work and a cab back home (I live just a couple of miles from my job, so it's not that bad). The majority of the time, I prefer to pay for cabs with cash but one time, I made the mistake of paying with my debit card.
Now, a week or two later, my bank account gets hit for nearly $900 in online gambling charges! Don't worry, I was able to contact the bank and let them know as soon as my wife and I looked at the account online. The bank was quick to mark the debit card stolen and launch an investigation into the fraudulent use of the card. Most likely, everything will be reversed within a few days, but it was quite a scare.
Life goes on...
Best Wishes,
Allen
Monday, July 04, 2005
Happy Independence Day!
I woke up this morning thinking about an old friend of mine. He and I met in the 4th grade here in Austin in 1979. He was the first person I ever befriended who was from another country. In fact, he and his family were refugees from Laos who lived up the street from me and my family. I became protective of my friend because other kids picked on him for his "rough" English and being Asian.
Even after he and his family moved to Wisconsin, my friend and I stayed in touch via letters. When he joined the U.S. Army and was stationed in San Antonio, Texas, we still stayed in touch via letters. He even visited me and my family a few times.
Around this time (jump ahead to the early 1990s), I moved to San Marcos, Texas, to attend Southwest Texas State University (now Texas State University). I was already engaged to Angel and we were starting to plan our wedding.
In one of my letters to my friend, I told him the good news of who I was in love with and planning to marry. Now, considering that my friend was planning to become a Methodist minister in Wisconsin, I figured he would be happy for me. He always had an interest in the ministry because it was Christian missionaries who rescued him and his family and made it possible for them to come to America.
Anyway, I assumed he might be upset because Angel and I were "living in sin" but happy because we wouldn't be doing that anymore if we were married. I got that one completely wrong! He was upset that I was engaged to someone of a different race. In retrospect, I believe he was sensitive to the subject because he'd told me that one of his sisters had had a child with someone of another race; in his view, this action had disgraced his sister and, in a way, their whole family.
I never heard from my friend again. Honestly, that hurt me to the core. It's been 10 years and it still lingers, when I think about it.
My friend who was going into the ministry might have reconsidered his position if he'd known that God would use this woman of another race to reach me for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My wife got saved first. Her example of living for Christ and expressing His love was what broke through my barriers of pride and ignorance of the Bible. The Bible speaks of love for all nations and loving everyone, not just people like yourself. Despite what some say, the Bible never discouraged interracial marriage, only marrying those who worshipped other gods. Even in the Old Testament, many who were of other nations were permitted to enter the Jewish faith and become part of the Jewish nation. And in the New Testament, the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ made it possible for the free gift of salvation to become available to all nations.
I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't gotten true salvation and been taught the Bible in truth and in love.
The only thing which mattered to me back then was that I loved this woman who happened to be of a different "race" and I wanted to marry her and start a family with her. For that, I risked (and sometimes lost) a lot. I lost friends, I nearly lost family relationships, I lost finishing college (at that time) but I gained the love of a lifetime. I gained someone who was willing to face the same risks. And once Christ came into our lives, we found the strength to continue on despite the adversities.
If only my friend had known this, I doubt he would have discarded our friendship so easily. And if he was truly Christian, then he had the charge from Christ Himself to love everyone.
So what does all this have to do with July 4th, with Independence Day? My friend came to America to escape tyranny and death in Laos. He became a naturalized citizen, even serving his (new) country in the U.S. Military. He lived the American dream. He even went on to further give of himself by trying to give back to this great God for sending missionaries to rescue him and his family. But when this same God allowed challenges to come into his life, to see if my friend would still love and accept his sister and his friend, my friend's actions said "That's too much! I can't do that."
I wish my friend well. I don't even know if he's still alive. But if he is and if by some odd twist of circumstances, he gets to read this and recognizes himself in it, I want him to know, I forgive him, I still love him and I welcome his friendship.
Independence Day is about having the faith to stand for what's right, even when all odds are against you...hoping and praying that a just and loving God can make a way. And in the case of early America and my own marriage, He did and still does.
Have a Happy July 4th!
Best Wishes,
Allen
I woke up this morning thinking about an old friend of mine. He and I met in the 4th grade here in Austin in 1979. He was the first person I ever befriended who was from another country. In fact, he and his family were refugees from Laos who lived up the street from me and my family. I became protective of my friend because other kids picked on him for his "rough" English and being Asian.
Even after he and his family moved to Wisconsin, my friend and I stayed in touch via letters. When he joined the U.S. Army and was stationed in San Antonio, Texas, we still stayed in touch via letters. He even visited me and my family a few times.
Around this time (jump ahead to the early 1990s), I moved to San Marcos, Texas, to attend Southwest Texas State University (now Texas State University). I was already engaged to Angel and we were starting to plan our wedding.
In one of my letters to my friend, I told him the good news of who I was in love with and planning to marry. Now, considering that my friend was planning to become a Methodist minister in Wisconsin, I figured he would be happy for me. He always had an interest in the ministry because it was Christian missionaries who rescued him and his family and made it possible for them to come to America.
Anyway, I assumed he might be upset because Angel and I were "living in sin" but happy because we wouldn't be doing that anymore if we were married. I got that one completely wrong! He was upset that I was engaged to someone of a different race. In retrospect, I believe he was sensitive to the subject because he'd told me that one of his sisters had had a child with someone of another race; in his view, this action had disgraced his sister and, in a way, their whole family.
I never heard from my friend again. Honestly, that hurt me to the core. It's been 10 years and it still lingers, when I think about it.
My friend who was going into the ministry might have reconsidered his position if he'd known that God would use this woman of another race to reach me for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My wife got saved first. Her example of living for Christ and expressing His love was what broke through my barriers of pride and ignorance of the Bible. The Bible speaks of love for all nations and loving everyone, not just people like yourself. Despite what some say, the Bible never discouraged interracial marriage, only marrying those who worshipped other gods. Even in the Old Testament, many who were of other nations were permitted to enter the Jewish faith and become part of the Jewish nation. And in the New Testament, the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ made it possible for the free gift of salvation to become available to all nations.
I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't gotten true salvation and been taught the Bible in truth and in love.
The only thing which mattered to me back then was that I loved this woman who happened to be of a different "race" and I wanted to marry her and start a family with her. For that, I risked (and sometimes lost) a lot. I lost friends, I nearly lost family relationships, I lost finishing college (at that time) but I gained the love of a lifetime. I gained someone who was willing to face the same risks. And once Christ came into our lives, we found the strength to continue on despite the adversities.
If only my friend had known this, I doubt he would have discarded our friendship so easily. And if he was truly Christian, then he had the charge from Christ Himself to love everyone.
I John 2: 7 - 11 (King James Version)
Brethren, I write no new commandment unto you, but an old commandment which ye had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which ye have heard from the beginning.
Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth.
He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.
He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.
But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.
So what does all this have to do with July 4th, with Independence Day? My friend came to America to escape tyranny and death in Laos. He became a naturalized citizen, even serving his (new) country in the U.S. Military. He lived the American dream. He even went on to further give of himself by trying to give back to this great God for sending missionaries to rescue him and his family. But when this same God allowed challenges to come into his life, to see if my friend would still love and accept his sister and his friend, my friend's actions said "That's too much! I can't do that."
I wish my friend well. I don't even know if he's still alive. But if he is and if by some odd twist of circumstances, he gets to read this and recognizes himself in it, I want him to know, I forgive him, I still love him and I welcome his friendship.
Independence Day is about having the faith to stand for what's right, even when all odds are against you...hoping and praying that a just and loving God can make a way. And in the case of early America and my own marriage, He did and still does.
Have a Happy July 4th!
Best Wishes,
Allen
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